Susan Bratton went from Queen of ad-tech in Silicon Valley, hobnobbing with all the biggest names in digital media, wearing Armani suits and sporting an “all business” short brown hairdo, to becoming a courageous blonde sex goddess, sharing her wisdom and fearlessness about how to transform having sex into making love.
When Susan’s intimate relationship with her husband reached its breaking point, the couple sought to get to the root of their issues through therapy and, eventually, alternative healing modalities such as Tantric sex workshops. They committed to healing their sex life by becoming completely honest with each other inside the bedroom and out. This honesty and sexual skill building led them to find a greater happiness and satisfaction than they had experienced in the first decade of their marriage.
During the great recession, Susan walked away from the digital ad world, instead choosing to build an information products and alternative media empire with her husband. For the last 15 years, Susan and Tim redesigned their personal and professional life through teaching others how to achieve healthier, happier, and more passionate relationships.
Balodana: What was the catalyst for your transformation experience?
Susan: In my early forties, I became disheartened with sex. Like a lot of women, I thought that the desire for sex naturally declines during midlife. I believed what I was experiencing was somehow “normal.” I thought it was my body’s fault that I couldn’t orgasm from intercourse. And after a decade of having sex without orgasms, I just didn’t enjoy it anymore. My husband was upset; he felt emotionally disconnected from me and had an affair because I didn’t want to have sex with him. But instead of divorcing, we decided to fix what was broken.
We wanted to have good sex, but we had so little knowledge of where to begin. It was the blind leading the blind! At first we tried a therapist, but traditional therapy didn’t help us get better in bed together. What I didn’t know at the time is that being able to orgasm during intercourse is a LEARNED skill. If you don’t know what you’re doing, it won’t sustain you.
Finally, at the age of 42, and with the help of couples workshops and therapy for past traumas, I experienced my first orgasm from intercourse.
Now at 60, I am having the best sex of my life.
Recently a friend of mine came to me and told me that she had “lost her ability to orgasm.” At first we tried to “remediate” her genitals by encouraging more blood flow, something that often helps when the difficulty is of a physical nature, but after some discussion she revealed to me that her husband had had an affair. It turned out her vulva was mad!
We worked through her experiences with a combination of techniques, including breath work, tantric practice, and sharing all kinds of stories. Fear of sexuality is part of the human condition. It’s very beneficial for us to work through our body issues. Like my friend learned, even though she had forgiven her husband in her rational mind, estrogen can still be very judgy!
Balodana: How did your transformation affect the people around you?
Susan: 17 years ago, my life changed. Because I learned how to have a wide variety of orgasms, I was having great sex with my husband, and as I became more comfortable with my sexuality, I blossomed. Every time we learned something new, the sex got even better! I found myself taking up more space and I shed a lot of limiting beliefs. I felt more creative, more confident, and more interested in talking to people.
I fell in love with my husband all over again, and started a new career helping others find passion and sensuality in their own lives. Our idea was to produce online programs accessible to everyone, where people could learn how to be lovers together.
Balodana: What was the most difficult or memorable part of your transformation?
Susan: It was difficult learning how to be honest with each other when we had everything to lose. I had been sexually abused by my stepfather. It made me dissociate during sex with my husband. When my husband would enter me, I’d “disappear.” Once he realized my trauma was preventing me from connecting with his heart, he stood by my side to help me relax and enjoy sex.
My husband played a huge role in helping me heal from the trauma. He started giving me vulva or Yoni massages, an important healing modality that taught me to stay present in the sexual experience.
Balodana: Did your personal style or wardrobe change to reflect your transformation?
Susan: I used to wear high heels often. My husband loves how I look in heels, but there was a time I felt they were demeaning and I stopped wearing them. But as I came into my sexuality, I put them back on again—at first for him, but then for myself.
Recently I fought a long battle with COVID and I gained weight during my recuperation. When you don’t feel well, your libido drops and you don’t dress sexy. Clothes are an expression of vitality – I like to wear things that are sexy, brilliant, and bright. But when I was unwell, I hardly wore anything. Now that I’m exercising every day to reverse the effects of long haul COVID, I’m down 30 pounds and enjoying wearing skin tight clothes that show off my lithe body.
Balodana: What piece of clothing do you find most empowering?
Susan: Clothing is a form of creative expression for me. I can assume different personas depending on what I wear. I especially love how I feel wearing my Chiara Boni pants suit with the corset waistline. I also love lingerie, especially the cupless/crotchless kind! As a teacher and publisher of passionate lovemaking techniques, I have outfits to suit my moods and what I want to show off, whether it’s boobypalooza, leggypalooza, or whatever makes me feel sexy in the moment. I believe you’ve gotta walk your talk as a sex educator.
Balodana: What would you say for others who may be having a hard time adapting to changes and/or opportunities?
Susan: When people hit a roadblock with their sexual satisfaction, it’s almost always caused by one of two things: betrayal or an issue that has a physical component, like illness or depression.
I recommend starting with a technique I developed called The Magic Pill Method. This is the magic pill I can give you that will fix your sex life. You can download the exercise at http://magicpillmethod.com. This technique provides a virtual “pill” in the form of a sexual inventory that will enable you to have a meaningful conversation about what kind of sex you want to have with your partner. Couples are surprised that there is still so much you CAN do together intimately, even when illness or depression throw up a roadblock. We all need intimacy for healing and rebooting our nervous system. Instead of giving up, The Magic Pill Method helps you find compromises that get you 90% of the way back to intimate connection.
In our culture, we are bombarded with fear based sexual education that shames people for enjoying sex. Creating my passionate lovemaking techniques, I discovered that people really want to be inspired and to have new things to try with their partner. But above all, they want PERMISSION to explore their sexuality.
Men especially feel disadvantaged when it comes to expressing themselves or explaining what they want, mostly because they don’t have the words. Porn doesn’t teach a man how to make love to a woman. My techniques help us have a more female and pleasure-centric style of intimacy. I call myself the antidote to porn-style sex. I’m all about creating heart-connection and having conscious lovemaking.
A healthy sex life is available to us at any age and each time you try something and then master it, your palate will expand and you’ll want to try something else. People are always looking for new ideas and sexual positions are easy to teach. My free ebook, “7 Stimulating Sex Positions” invites readers to experiment. Too many of us are focused on genital friction, not full body touch.
In a series of articles I titled “Come with Me,” I recount the 20 kinds of orgasms the human body can have and challenge readers to experience them all, with detailed instructions and the science behind how they work. Women want to have different kinds of orgasms, while men assume orgasms and ejaculation are the same thing.
Estrogen or testosterone are the hormones that make how we approach sex different. A lot of experts even say don’t worry about the orgasm, but everyone can have all of them. Stop thinking you can’t!
Balodana: Tell us a little bit about susanbratton.com and your workshops and products.
Susan: When it comes to teaching, I believe in meeting a person where they are – we are all in different places in terms of our sexuality, especially as we age. Some people don’t have the time for sex or intimacy. Others have experienced gender changes, divorces, and infidelities. My clients include young people who are distrustful of their own sexuality and 40-year old virgins. I believe everyone is capable of achieving sexual satisfaction. I offer an “on ramp” for wherever they are sexually, for those who resonate with me and who are open to my help.
My website content includes lots of free gifts, and teaches many profound techniques that create a sexual appetite so that people come back, hungry for more. There are some who buy everything I offer and attend all of my workshops, while others take things more slowly and choose what works for them. They may never purchase supplements or buy my books, but their lives are still improved by pleasurable connections they are able to achieve through my free gifts.
Learn More About Susan:
https://susanbratton.com/ – Susan’s homepage and products
https://betterlover.com/ – Susan’s videos
https://personallifemedia.com/ – Susan’s essays and writings on love, sex, and intimacy
https://magicpillmethod.com/ and https://7positions.com/ – Susan’s free books
https://susanbratton.com/muse-by-clio-spotlight-on-susan-bratton/
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One of Balodana’s core values is celebrating all of life’s stages, ups and downs, triumphs and tragedies. With this series of interviews with powerful people who have gone through a transformative experience, we hope to inspire you and energize you through your own transformation. If you know someone who has a great transformation story to tell, nominate them! Send to [email protected].